the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
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Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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