Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i dont even know how to be here
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
