If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
