I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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