who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
