people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
