Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
