oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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