I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
