return my video game
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
