You're my little dorito
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize