I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
