i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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