wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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