It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Dignity is for republicans.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
