Texts From Last Night

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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  ...welcome to nebraska

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  (402): i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall (402): ...welcome to nebraska http://tfl.nu/cxvz
  Replies (56) Good night (2406) Bad night (810)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.

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  (215): you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'. (215): we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/6wc5
  Replies (27) Good night (6554) Bad night (673)
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  (518): View more from New York

  and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card

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  (518): and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card http://tfl.nu/bprl
  Replies (30) Good night (2252) Bad night (7711)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."

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  (913): I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady." http://tfl.nu/ftym
  Replies (11) Good night (6140) Bad night (917) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future

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  (330): He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future http://tfl.nu/ji9u
  Replies (8) Good night (717) Bad night (3532) Order T-Shirt
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY

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  (360): Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY http://tfl.nu/mbk8
  Replies (12) Good night (1832) Bad night (933) Order T-Shirt
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?

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  (+44): Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert? http://tfl.nu/uki8
  Replies (4) Good night (2365) Bad night (827) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".

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  (512): He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns". http://tfl.nu/398g
  Replies (12) Good night (2461) Bad night (836)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.

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  (843): It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine. http://tfl.nu/9l0i
  Replies (21) Good night (1154) Bad night (392) Order T-Shirt
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.

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  (785): Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose. http://tfl.nu/r1ga
  Replies (5) Good night (499) Bad night (1331) Order T-Shirt
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.

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  (773): I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day. http://tfl.nu/c735
  Replies (4) Good night (832) Bad night (493) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY

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  (732): FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY http://tfl.nu/r4u9
  Replies (14) Good night (1946) Bad night (568) Order T-Shirt
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.

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  (931): So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating. http://tfl.nu/zfrb
  Replies (9) Good night (1251) Bad night (378) Order T-Shirt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?

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  (706): It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from? http://tfl.nu/d0ez
  Replies (7) Good night (1064) Bad night (242) Order T-Shirt
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  (469): View more from Texas

  I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.

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  (469): I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep. http://tfl.nu/gn6b
  Replies (13) Good night (1767) Bad night (281) Order T-Shirt

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