Texts From Last Night

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  (217): View more from Illinois

  My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.

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  (217): My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building. http://tfl.nu/he38
  Replies (5) Good night (960) Bad night (1959)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.

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  (540): I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up. (540) I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid. http://tfl.nu/obhg
  Replies (20) Good night (3791) Bad night (613)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.

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  (219): community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal. http://tfl.nu/j3ch
  Replies (14) Good night (3115) Bad night (752)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.

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  (602): You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy. http://tfl.nu/r33s
  Replies (15) Good night (3117) Bad night (790)
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  (415): View more from California

  Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.

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  (415): Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only. http://tfl.nu/ffub
  Replies (7) Good night (4867) Bad night (1035)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am

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  (262): I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am http://tfl.nu/wxgn
  Replies (7) Good night (4115) Bad night (1055)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...

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  (321): Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds... http://tfl.nu/1h6m
  Replies (12) Good night (1158) Bad night (6604)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.

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  (662): She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked. http://tfl.nu/ji5s
  Replies (8) Good night (2942) Bad night (665)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?

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  (904): he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french? http://tfl.nu/ofgx
  Replies (26) Good night (7473) Bad night (1000)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  This hangover makes more sense now

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  (817): Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"... (1-817): This hangover makes more sense now http://tfl.nu/3zvy
  Replies (11) Good night (2431) Bad night (540)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.

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  (413): He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome. http://tfl.nu/kvnn
  Replies (1) Good night (550) Bad night (225)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  Pedi-lyte stocked

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  (203): Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver (1-203): Pedi-lyte stocked http://tfl.nu/s7oc
  Replies (1) Good night (568) Bad night (275)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.

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  (919): As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage. http://tfl.nu/44x8
  Replies (0) Good night (569) Bad night (225)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.

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  (904): Im wearing a bra. Made of paint. http://tfl.nu/e0s1
  Replies (6) Good night (881) Bad night (211)
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  (323): View more from California

  There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.

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  (323): There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation. http://tfl.nu/bbsf
  Replies (4) Good night (315) Bad night (669)

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