Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
