After last night, I could never be a politician.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out