u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.