when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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