We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Help. Why am I so naked?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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