so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
