I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
