Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
