I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
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If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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