i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
