if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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