i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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