Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
