If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
