this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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