3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
