Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
