no, he came in my armpit
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize