I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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