she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
