actually, I'm a sock model
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
