imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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