You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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