sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
