the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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