I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
