did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
