i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
