I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
