Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
