I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
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We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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