good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
