no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
