I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
