I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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