Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
