Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
