Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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