woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
