Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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