Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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