so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Holy sore nipples Batman
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
