Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
