I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
