theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
